by Emily Nagle
Welcome to Shark Spotlight! After putting a kid-friendly twist on the series yesterday, we’re back to reviewing scary shark movies from Invincible’s very own Galxy catalog in honor of Shark Week. Today’s shark movie is “Sharks of the Corn“.
It’s hard to say what happens in “Sharks of the Corn”, because there’s really so much going on. The main plot revolves around bloodthirsty sharks popping up in Kentucky cornfields and killing people, but a bunch of other stuff goes on as well. Like, Bigfoot is in the movie, and Stonehenge keeps showing up for some reason.
When people describe a bad shark movie, they often describe the visual aspects of it as bad – for example, special effects reminiscent of those free iPhone movie effect apps or super overdone acting. It’s easy to make these deliberately bad to poke fun at other sharksploitation movies, but “Sharks of the Corn” is just poorly made as a whole.
There’s inconsistencies with the audio mixing at times; for example, during a scene where the characters are talking while walking through a cornfield, their dialogue is barely audible. Similarly, there are times where the music is too loud, and drowns out the characters’ dialogue. Sometimes, these scenes with poor audio mixing are followed by a scene where the dialogue sounds fine, which is disorienting because we have no clue what the characters were saying before.
With that being said, “Sharks of the Corn” definitely wasn’t unbearable. The poor production, along with the chaotic story and handheld cinematography, gives the movie the same energy as a high school TV studio project. This made it a little nostalgic – who didn’t love making nonsensical movies with their friends when they were kids? Yes, it’s almost as long as “House Shark” – it’s an hour and 45 minutes long – but it was nowhere near as unwatchable.
Yes, I said earlier this week that “House Shark” was all over the place, and talked about how bad it was. But the reason why having all that stuff going on in “House Shark” didn’t work was because it tried too hard. It overdid everything to the point where it got old really fast. Meanwhile, “Sharks of the Corn” is so bizarre that it holds your attention – there’s something new every second! First someone’s getting mauled by a shark in a cornfield, then you’ll blink and suddenly there’s a guy rambling about pleasing a shark goddess.
After having watched three different shark movies this week (and my sanity is hanging on by a thread), it seems appropriate to start ranking them as I go along. So, here are my rankings for Galxy’s shark films so far, from worst to best:
3. House Shark
2. Sharks of the Corn
1. Bad CGI Sharks
Tune in to Shark Spotlight again tomorrow to see which movie is up next, and for an updated ranking of Galxy’s shark movies! Until then, “Sharks of the Corn” is free to watch on Galxy.
by Emily Nagle
For today’s Shark Spotlight, we’re doing something a little different. Instead of discussing a shark-themed horror movie, we’re highlighting a not-so-scary shark-themed show in the Invincible catalog, more specifically “Street Sharks”.
This action-packed animated series chronicles the crime-fighting adventures of four human/shark hybrids. Together, Ripster, Jab, Streex, and Big Slammu protect Fission City from evil professor Dr. Paradigm, who transformed them into sharks and is now bent on imprisoning and destroying them.
Out of all the shark programs I’ve seen this week, “Street Sharks” has the most variety in terms of species. All the movies I’ve seen feature the same type of shark – just the standard Great White that typically comes to mind when you hear someone mention sharks.
Each of the Street Sharks is a different shark species, and they all have unique powers. For example, Jab is a hammerhead shark who can use his head as a battering ram, and Big Slammu is a whale shark (fun fact: this is the largest fish in the world!) who can perform the ground-shaking “Seismic Slam”!
“Street Sharks” first aired in the mid-to-late 90s, so the show has a nostalgic quality to it. Adults who grew up with the series have fond memories of watching the show, as reflected by IMDb reviews of people sharing stories about watching it on weekend mornings during their childhood. Some even wrote that they were thrilled to introduce the beloved cartoon to their own children someday!
Tune in tomorrow to see what’s next on Shark Spotlight! Until then, all episodes of “Street Sharks” are free to watch on Galxy.
by Emily Nagle
Welcome back to another installment of Shark Spotlight! Today we’ll be discussing “House Shark“.
“House Shark” tells the story of Frank (Trey Harrison), a former cop who discovers a vicious land shark invading his home, and recruits the help of Abraham (Wes Reid) and shark expert Zachary (Michael Merchant) to eradicate the threat.
Even while knowing “House Shark” is intentionally crummy, it’s tough to get through, because the humor isn’t clever. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought it was just bad because it was bad.
The movie I discussed in yesterday’s Shark Spotlight, “Bad CGI Sharks”, is drastically different, but I’m going to briefly compare the humor in it to that of “House Shark”; the reason why the humor worked was because it was extremely self-aware, riffing on other shark movies. Meanwhile, “House Shark” overdoes pretty much everything from acting to gore, but doesn’t make it as clear that it’s for comedic purposes. Like, the movie has some weird fixation on going to the bathroom, since that’s where the shark first shows up.
Like a lot of sharksploitation movies, “House Shark” has overdramatic acting and crude visual effects that are bad for a reason; it’s for satirical purposes, poking fun at the tropes often used in the genre. However, the whole shtick quickly grows stale, because the movie is super long. “House Shark” clocks in at an hour and 52 minutes – nearly two hours of a low-budget movie (even if it’s intentionally cheap-looking) is just way too long. I found my attention wavering at various points during the film, because it seemed to drag at times; ideally, these kinds of movies should be kept to an hour and a half at the most.
Maybe this is just one of those bad movies that you can’t watch while sober. Some of the reviews I read for this film said similar things; one user on Letterboxd even compared the viewing experience to “[taking] edibles and it’s gone horribly wrong.” So who knows? One thing’s for sure: “House Shark” is truly all over the place (just like blood and guts for almost the whole movie).
Tune in tomorrow to see what’s next on Shark Spotlight! Until then, if you want to experience some gory, shark-infested chaos, House Shark is free to watch on Galxy.
by Emily Nagle
Top 5 Highest Grossing Films for Weekend of July 22-24, 2022
5. Top Gun: Maverick ($10 million)
4. Where the Crawdads Sing ($10.3 million)
3. Minions: The Rise of Gru ($17.7 million)
2. Thor: Love and Thunder ($22.1 million)
1. Nope ($44 million)
Premiering on Friday was Jordan Peele’s sci-fi thriller “Nope”. Telling the story of two siblings who notice strange things happening on their horse ranch, this film’s opening gross fell a little short of predictions, which projected that the film’s debut weekend would bring in between $48-$63 million. Even still, it made the number-one spot for the highest-grossing film this past weekend. So far it’s been met with positive reviews, with many praising its originality – it’s the only film in the top 5 that isn’t part of a preexisting franchise or based on something else!
As a result of “Nope’s” success, Marvel’s “Thor: Love and Thunder” was demoted to number two after spending two weeks as the top movie in American movie theaters, grossing about 50% less than it did last weekend. It has now become the seventh-highest-grossing film of 2022, having grossed nearly $600 million worldwide – right behind Huaxia’s “The Battle at Lake Changjin II”. However, this film is no longer in theaters, so “Love and Thunder” could easily overtake it as the sixth-highest-grossing film of the year!
by Emily Nagle
Happy Shark Week, movie lovers! To celebrate, Don’t Tell will be posting a special series this week called Shark Spotlight, where each day we’ll highlight a different shark-themed movie in the Invincible catalog. Today we’re kicking off this exciting new series by taking a look at “Bad CGI Sharks“.
This movie puts a meta twist on the sharksploitation movie genre, as it’s a movie about two brothers creating a movie within a movie! Pretty creative. “Bad CGI Sharks” tells the story of Jason (Jason Ellsworth), and Matthew (Matthew Ellsworth), two estranged brothers who reconnect to finish the script for a shark movie they began in their childhood. However, things get dangerous when a poorly rendered CGI shark starts wreaking havoc in their neighborhood! The brothers’ bond is put to the test as they must figure out how to put an end to the madness and their movie.
We start off meeting Bernardo (Matteo Molinari), this kooky movie guy who uses a magical clapboard to bring the story of Jason and Matthew to life. Bernardo is kind of like the god of the in-movie universe, which adds to the meta aspect. At the most random moments, the story cuts to him sitting in his weird movie room commenting on the story, and eventually teleports into the movie, much to Jason and Matthew’s confusion. He even creates physical bullet points that hang in the air to explains how shark movies typically play out, so that they can avoid a similar fate.
Bernardo then introduces us to Jason, whose mother unexpectedly sends his free-spirited brother Matthew to live with him. The latter tries to convince Jason to finish Sharks Outta Water, a shark film they started as kids. Jason initially resists, but eventually caves, as having gotten fired recently, he’s got nothing else going for him. Sounds easy enough…until they find themselves running from a poorly rendered CGI shark!
The best part of “Bad CGI Sharks”, as well as the quality that sets it apart from all the other sharksploitation movies out there, is how self-aware it is. Every part of it is intentionally bad to poke fun at the genre. Like, the shark is poorly animated because pretty much every shark in the history of shark movies looks like that. “Bad CGI Sharks” definitely falls into the “so bad it’s good” category – it’s bad with a purpose.
It’s clear everyone involved in this movie had a blast working on it. The credits feature a silly original rap made just for the movie (which is actually quite a banger), and features funny side comments. If you’re looking for a cinematic masterpiece, then this isn’t for you. However, if you just wanna invite your friends over and crack open a cold one on a Friday night, “Bad CGI Sharks” is the perfect movie to just have fun with!
“Bad CGI Sharks” is available to watch for free on Galxy. Tune into Don’t Tell Netflix tomorrow for another installment of Shark Spotlight!
Jordan Peele’s new sci-fi movie “Nope” puts a quirky twist on the UFO-abducting-livestock trope in alien movies. It’s scary, but also funny and super weird (in the best possible way).
OJ (Daniel Kaluuya) and Emerald Haywood (Keke Palmer) are horse-rancher siblings living in an isolated California desert town. When strange things start happening at the ranch, they suspect that extraterrestrial creatures are to blame, and set out to capture footage of the phenomenon. The duo recruits tech salesman Angel (Brandon Perea) and cinematographer Antlers Holst (Michael Wincott) to help obtain as much video as they can of the mysterious creature.
The story in “Nope” is beautifully crafted. There’s all these parts that don’t seem interconnected at first – how could a vicious chimp attack on the set of a 1998 sitcom be connected to a dangerous UFO in the present day? As ridiculous as it all seems, everything is related to each other in a way that makes sense. However, some of it is a little confusing at first, and won’t make sense until later, after you’ve had some time to let it marinate in your mind. Like how the story can be interpreted as more than just a creative horror film, but also a social commentary about the human obsession with the extraordinary.
“Nope” boasts incredible visuals, particularly of the UFO – dubbed “Jean Jacket” by OJ and Emerald – which is absolutely terrifying. It’s not really a spaceship, but more of a colossal carnivorous creature. When it gobbles up its victims, it unfolds into this giant, terrifying figure reminiscent of a plastic grocery bag. Kaluuya and Palmer were amazing as the Haywood siblings; I particularly loved Palmer’s performance of Emerald. She’s spunky and excitable, contrasting against OJ, who takes his job carrying on the legacy of his family’s ranch very seriously.
This one isn’t like most alien movies in the sense that it’s scary in a more subtle way. It’s got some great jump scares, but the actual UFO is scary in a different way – it’s HUGE, and abducts people. The actual aliens aren’t like the bug-eyed creatures we’re accustomed to seeing in pop culture. “Nope” left me pleasantly surprised – it’s not the cliche “aliens are here to take over the world” story. Jean Jacket is out for blood!
Say yes to “Nope” this summer – this unconventional thriller comedy will leave you anxiously gazing at the skies when you step outside the movie theater!
Get Some Strange!
